Author: Marjorie C.

Introduction

This is part-3 to the series that I have written on Emotional Intelligence. When there is a problem, you must be able to identify your own emotions and the emotions of others regarding the problem at hand. Addressing a problem requires being able to manage stress in an effective manner. While addressing a problem it requires self-coaching or you can ask for help from a professional or family member in order to help you to be successful.

Problem-Solving

In life, everyone will experience problems. Some of the problems are small while others are a lot harder to handle on your own. As a therapist who works with people of all ages, I always like to use the visual from the Zones of Regulation to ask people to identify how big is the problem. Sometimes the brain can perceive the problem to be bigger than the reality of it.

When I am listening to stories from my clients, I like to use visuals with my clients. In my personal life, I also use visuals to help me tackle the biggest problems (problems can be positive or negative). Therefore, if you are my client, I may ask the following questions:

1. How big is the problem to you right now? (small, medium, or big)
2. What emotions do you have about the problem?
3. Is your perception of the problem objective?
4. Do you know how to overcome the problem?

If the answer to the last question is “no,” then that’s when visuals come in handy. When a problem is perceived to be big, then it means that it needs to broken down into smaller steps. A client can draw it out or use sticky notes to move the steps around (See video below on how to break down steps of a problem).

Once the steps have been broken down, then it is important to visualize yourself doing the steps.

Conclusion:

To conclude, emotional intelligence means being able to identify the size of the problem and having a reaction that is equivalent to the problem. Then you must be able to figure out how to address the problem by breaking down the steps and visualizing yourself tackling the situation.

Introduction

A significant part of emotional intelligence is relationship management. People with high emotional intelligence know how to maintain good relationships by communicating, inspiring, and influencing others. A motivational speaker that I often listen to is Jay Shetty; he used to be a monk and now he is a writer, speaker, and creates short videos that teaches people strategies. In this short blog, I have compiled the best videos that Jay has created on relationships.

Types of Relationships

There are different types of relationships (e.g., acquaintances, friends, family, and romantic partner) that a human being can develop. Humans crave interactions with people because humans are social creatures. Therefore, it’s important that healthy strategies are developed to create and maintain long-term positive relationships with people. It’s not about the quantity of people, but rather, the quality of people that you choose to develop strong and meaningful relationships.

Clip #1

This first clip by Jay teaches you basic, but fundamental skills to create and retain relationships.

The clip above teaches you the following:

1. Be someone who can make yourself happy
2. Press pause to engage in a conversation with the people around you
3. Minimize engaging in avoidant behaviors when trying to address difficult conversations
4. Assess and evaluate the love language of the other person
5. Engage in acts of service and help others

Clip #2

In life, you will develop relationships with people who only stay for a chapter of your book, while others stay until the end of your book. However, every type of friendship will teach you something about yourself. Ensure that you take the time to reflect and to learn from the people who are no longer part of your book, so you develop character, strength, and value. Remember, some people are like “leaves”—they come and go. While others are like “roots” in your life; spend more of your energy and time with the people who are roots in your life!

Clip #3

Currently, we all live in a society that everything can be found instantly. However, with relationships there should be continuous work to maintain and to make it grow. All types of relationships take lots of work! Therefore, Jay shares in the video below that it is important to engage in meaningful conversations with people and go out of your way to build that closeness. Social media has many benefits like allowing you to stay superficially in touch with people, but it is not the same as seeing someone eye to eye in person and engaging in a productive conversation that fulfills your soul with positivity.

Conclusion:

There are different forms of relationships you can form. When you are around people, ensure that you are present and engage in active listening to form positive relationships.

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Introduction

Emotional intelligence (EI) is being able to understand, use, and manage your own emotions; in addition to this, it also means being able to understand the emotions of others and demonstrating empathy to develop positive relationships. In a three part series, I will share strategies to help you further develop your EI.

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Self-Awareness

It is the ability to objectively evaluate yourself and identify your strengths and weaknesses. For instance, do your values align with your behaviors? When a person is self-aware, then you can improve on skills that need further work. It also raises level of happiness by aligning your ideas with your actions. Self-awareness allows you to identify, process, and reflect on your current thoughts and feelings. When a person is self-aware, then stress can decrease because the correct coping skills can be used.

Self-Regulation

The ability to self-regulate emotions during stressful situations is empowering. Stress in life is inevitable and everyone faces stressors. Therefore, having the ability to apply coping skills and self-advocate when challenging situations arise is a sign of maturity and emotional intelligence. Now every human being is imperfect, and therefore, applying coping skills consistently at all times is not realistic. However, it is important to try your best.

Motivation

Motivation is the need or desire to do something. There are different types of motivations. It is important that you understand the Maslow Hierarchy of needs to determine where is your current motivation level. The level of motivation may change depending on circumstances.

Conclusion:

To make growth in your emotional intelligence it is important you do the following:

1. Self-evaluate continuously
2. Identify strengths and weaknesses
3. Practice healthy coping strategies regularly
4. Identify your motivators in life

Try these strategies and find a method to measure your growth. It could writing in a diary or using an app (e.g., Mood Meter or Daylio) to track your growth over time. Then share your accomplishments with people who genuinely support you and celebrate your growth.

Overcoming Challenges During the 2020-2021 Academic School Year

All students have experienced many unforeseen challenges in this academic school year.   As a private therapist and school social worker, I have noticed that some students have experienced challenges in being able to focus and stay motivated using the remote learning model. Students reported that they prefer in person learning because it is easier to self-advocate and receive the academic support.

Students are learning that life is full of unexpected challenges.  Thus, it is crucial that students learn how to cope with stress in order to become resilient.  As a private therapist, I have seen many young people experience high levels of anxiety and depression during this time of crisis due to the pandemic. 

Self-Care & Self-Kindness

When I was a school social worker in a high school setting, I observed that many teens and young adults have lots of identity questions while also trying figure out their dreams and goals post high school.  Because this could be a stressful stage in life, it’s important to teach this population about self-care and self-kindness in order to maintain  a well-balanced mental health.

Re-framing The Way Success Is Viewed

It is crucial to empower the Gen Z population as they begin to plan their future. The goal is to assist this population to become independent adults by giving them specific tools that they can use.  However, there is often a false perception that the road to success is a straight linear path going upward, but that is far from the truth. In order to grow, people need to experience failure. Therefore, teenagers and young adults need to be taught that failure is a natural process when trying something new or embarking a new goal.

Share Relatable Stories

As a private therapist, who works with teens and young adults, I decided to interview some of my peers (Mojdeh, Ashley, and Ryan). I asked them questions about their experiences while they were transitioning from being teenagers to young adults. Additionally, I asked the interviewees to share the advice that they would give to their younger self. I have had clients listen to these interviews and reflect on their own experiences. By doing this type of activity, then teens and young adults are more likely to create their own SMART goals about their future.

Conclusion

Even though there were many adversities that occurred this academic school year, teenagers and young adults have learned to embrace adversity, failure, and flexibility. Therefore, teachers, parents, school social workers, and therapists need to engage in storytelling to empower the Gen Z population as they are in the process of formulating their goals post high school.

Introduction

I began practicing mindfulness approximately in 2014. My school district, Mannheim District 83, was doing research with Rush University. Through this experience, I became acquainted to various types of mindfulness practices (e.g., breathing exercises, walking, tasting, etc.). The purpose of this short blog is to provide background information on what is mindfulness and how it can be applied on a daily basis.

What is mindfulness?

It is bringing to awareness the present moment by being curious or kind. You have to pay attention to what is happening right now without judgement. This will decrease stress, anxiety, and depression.

Body Scan

As a therapist and school social worker, I always introduce mindfulness by doing a body scan activity with my clients. It’s a progressive relaxation technique where you can begin to relax the muscles in your feet, then move up to the crown of your head (vise versa).

Free Apps

With my clients, I always want them to practice mindfulness outside of my practice. Therefore, you can download the MyLife or Headspace Apps. to help you practice mindfulness regularly.

https://youtu.be/8XHgdIK0zNk

Mindfulness & The Brain

MRI scans have been conducted of the brain before and after practicing mindfulness. The research demonstrates that the gray matter around the amygdala (in charge of fight/flight/freeze response) can become smaller and the gray matter in the prefrontal cortex (in charge of reasoning and decision making) can become much thicker. Mindfulness can also improve memory and attention span when it is practiced regularly. This type of information is crucial to motivate you to get started to practice mindfulness.

Conclusion

When you are trying a new coping strategy, it’s important to understand why it is healthy for you and to practice mindfulness with consistency. Mindfulness can have a positive impact in your life, but dedication and practice is crucial, otherwise, it will be difficult to notice any changes.

Introduction

In this short blog, I will share six healthy habits that I do regularly in order to ensure that I stay healthy emotionally, mentally, and physically. My hope is that you find these tips helpful and applicable to your life, so you can be the best version of yourself.

Drink Water

When I wake up in the morning, I start by drinking lots of water. In the morning, I naturally feel thirsty, so instead of drinking sugary juices, I have noticed that water is the most beneficial for my body. It gives my body the opportunity to break down food and curve my appetite. Water allows for toxins to be broken down, and as a result, it has a positive impact on mental health. Lastly, water also hydrates your skin, which allows you to look youthful.

Make Your Bed

After drinking water, I always to make my bed. It is a small task that gives me a sense of accomplishment. I enjoy coming home from work to a bed that is already organized.

Pray or Meditate

Early in the morning, I pray and meditate. It gives me a sense of purpose throughout the day. I have noticed that I am more creative when I pray and meditate, and in return, my productivity increases in all my job settings and in my personal life.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UBsmX-g-_EM

Call/ Talk To Someone You Love

All humans are social creatures who need interactions and relationships with others. Therefore, social interactions are crucial for improved mental health and decreasing anxiety and depression. I suggest that you identify key people in your life that build you up and fill you with positivity. It could be a parent, spouse, or a friend. Talking to people that you love naturally produces oxytocin in your body, which is a love hormone.

Drink Tea

I drink tea every morning once I get to work. I personally enjoy drinking green tea, lemongrass, chamomile, and peppermint.

Make A To-do List

Once I am at work, I spend the first 10-15 minutes thinking about what I need to accomplish for my day. I enjoy being able to cross out what I accomplish throughout the day. When you create a to-do list, it gives you a roadmap throughout the day.

Conclusion:

Now figure out which habit(s) you want to apply to your life. Remember, start small, but stay consistent!

Introduction

In March Women’s History is celebrated. As a social worker and Latina woman who works with girls and women of all ages, I consider this to be an important topic to further explore and to learn. The social construct of gender roles starts at an early age. When I was 19 years old, I worked as a Spanish preschool teacher. I recall observing 3-4 year olds and noticed that the boys would immediately play with legos and cars while the girls played in the kitchen pretending to make food. I recall I found this fascinating because these young pre-school age students had a clear definition of their gender roles. However, when this happens, then it is an open opportunity for gender stereotypes to form. This limits the career options and interests for both sexes. These limitations create long-term negative consequences on how women view themselves, acquire equal pay, and gain professional growth.

Gender Stereotypes

When I do counseling with young girls in private practice or in my school setting as a school social worker, I often show them the Dove Commercial videos to start conversations related to empowerment and gender stereotypes. From my conversations with girls, I have noticed that they learn at a young age about the subtle insults that society creates about women. This has a negative impact on their self-esteem and how they view themselves within society. Therefore, it is important to empower girls to break away from invisible boxes that society puts them in due to stereotypes.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjJQBjWYDTs

Empower Girls & Women

At a young age, girls are taught that it is impolite to be too confident. As a result of this, women shy away from jobs that are in the field of Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics (STEM), which are seen as male dominated fields. However, the women who do enter the fields of STEM tend to have challenges sharing their ideas in a group setting and accepting praise. Often times, women will minimize their knowledge in a group to not come off as aggressive.

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As a woman, I am guilty of minimizing my abilities and knowledge in a group setting. When I was a young girl, I recall being more extroverted, then as I became a pre-teen my personality changed to be more timid and doubtful of my decisions. Now as a 33 year old woman, I have finally re-learned to not allow society’s boxed expectations of women to disempower me. My number one coach who has helped me to become a stronger woman has been my mother, Maria. Therefore, parents, educators, therapists, or other folks who work with women have a key role in ensuring that they teach strategies to breakaway from gender stereotypes. Girls and women of all ages need to be empowered to become strong and confident leaders.

Developing A Strong Primary Group

All humans are social creatures who need social interaction in order to explore and navigate life successfully. Therefore, it is crucial for women to develop a strong and positive primary group. The primary group consists of closest family members (e.g., spouses, children, parents, etc.) and friends; all members within a primary group need to nourish the dreams and goals of women in the group. This will allow women to develop a better sense of self-efficacy. Additionally, men spouses or partners need to embrace the potentials of the women in their primary group and to develop a team mentality to allow women to grow and to have a positive long-term relationship. When I see couples in a therapy setting, I like to share with men that Dr. John Gottman stated that if men want a strong relationship, then they need to know the dreams and aspirations of women and help to nourish them.

Parenthood Should Be A Shared Role Between Men & Women

As a therapist, I have observed that women are experiencing burnout at a rapid pace and the pay disparity between men and women continues to be discrepant due to child care (Watch the video below to learn about this topic). The role of parenthood and household chores need to be evenly split in order for there to be significant change in the US in the pay gap. When there is a better balance of workloads within the home and outside the home, then this creates better communication, stability, and a harmonious living environment.

Conclusion

This short blog is meant to provide further insight on the role of women in the 21st century. To sum up, women need to be empowered to break glass ceilings. Representation of women in STEM professions is needed to make growth as a society. The gender stereotypes can negatively impact women’s self-esteem. Therefore, the role of primary groups is to support and empower women in their inner circle. Lastly, there needs to be a change on the expectations of parenthood in order to minimize the possible wage gaps that occur over time. Workplaces need to equally provide men with the appropriate paternity leaves to rebuild the expectations of parenthood for men and women in the United States. Significant growth has been made since women were first allowed to vote in the 1920s, but there is still room for more growth.

Nurture Positive Characteristic Traits in a Relationship

As a private therapist, I provide support to couples of all ages. The relationships that thrive have a strong foundation of respect, trust, and love. Couples who have positive thoughts about their partners express their feelings and behaviors in a positive manner as well. This in return nourishes the relationship to be strong even under difficult circumstances.

The Five Love Languages

When I begin to see a couple in private therapy, I always ask them about their love language. If a couple is not sure about them, then I ask them to take a short quiz. There are 5 different types, they are:

1. Words of affirmation- Verbal compliments
2. Acts of service- “Actions speak louder than words”
3. Receiving gifts- Meaningful or thoughtful gifts
4. Quality time- Undivided attention
5. Physical touch- Giving hugs, kisses, etc.

**To learn about these 5 love languages, then go to this blog.

After the couple has taken the quiz, then I ask them to share their results with their partners. In a relationship, it is important to foster love by speaking each other’s love language. When you do this, then the body naturally begins to release oxytocin, love hormone.

The 5:1 Ratio

In order for a relationship to thrive, the 5:1 ratio is key. For every re-direct, then 5 positive interactions need to occur. Typically, relationships end because there is more negativity than positivity. Couples who have a hard time remembering positive memories or characteristic traits about their partners lead to breaking up.

Assess Your Relationship

Active communication is crucial in all relationships. It’s important to assess what types of behaviors are healthy and unhealthy in the relationship. Then actively work together to make changes toward the right direction. Remember, a perfect relationship does not exist, but rather, two people who love and respect each other enough to continuously work toward a better relationship.

Defining Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Every person experiences negative thoughts. However, not every thought is true or accurate. There are nine different types of negative thoughts. An evidence based intervention that helps to reframe these negative thoughts is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, also known as CBT. CBT teaches you that your thoughts, behaviors, and feelings are all interrelated. Therefore, if you reframe your thoughts to be more positive, then it will have an impact on your feelings and behaviors.

Strategies

There are effective strategies to reframe thoughts. First, it’s very important to question the thoughts that come to your mind–especially if they are negative. When you are confronted with negative thoughts, you can combat or distract your mind. By combating your thoughts, you are questioning and rationalizing through your thought process. Another effective strategy is distracting your mind by doing an activity that you enjoy (e.g., listening to music, cooking, dancing, etc.). Watch the video below learn more about these two strategies.

In order to reframe your thoughts, you need to also learn about the 3 R’s. You need to record your thoughts, then rationalize and replace them. It will take some discipline and practice to change the way you think. However, it will be worth making these changes. You will feel more confident and happier with yourself.

Positive Psychology

When you engage in positive thoughts more regularly, then you are more likely to think creatively, flexibly, and process information faster. Your brain is also able to focus for a longer period of time. Therefore, optimize your productivity and quality of life by simply changing your thoughts to be more positive. If you’d like to connect with me to continue to learn about CBT and Positive Psychology, then you can follow me on Twitter or Instagram.